Reflective Cover Letter

Reflective Cover Letter

Dear Dr. Tinberg,

Over this semester, I have really grown as a writer. The pieces that I believe demonstrate this the most are “This I Believe”, the application essay, the profile, and “Analyzing a Trend”. I was able to express myself as a writer in all of the assignments, but in these especially.

          The first piece that I am including is the “This I Believe” assignment. The assignment was to tell a story about a belief not only relative to you, but also one that other people could relate to . I was to state my belief, give evidence of how the belief was formed, tested, or changed, provide descriptive detail, and provide closure by explaining the significance of my belief. I chose this essay because it was the first assignment, and looking back, it shows how much I have grown as a writer over the semester. It was a very personal assignment due to the fact that I had to go into detail about my beliefs and life experiences. It was difficult at first to choose a topic that I would not mind sharing. I eventually decided to use my belief of being your own person as the subject of the essay. The first draft did not have enough detail to completely fulfill the assignment. This was also a problem in my second draft. As you mentioned in your feedback, “But now you must bring your reader into sharper consideration: as I note below, you will need to provide evidence of the shift in your belief, between wanting to fit in and wanting to be 'yourself'.”

          The second piece that I am including is the application essay. This essay was similar to “This I Believe” in the fact that I was writing about myself, only this time, I was trying to paint myself in a light that would really express who I am as a person. I chose this piece because, for me, it was the most difficult assignment. I am proud of how I was able to work through the prompt until I was able to answer it in a creative way. The assignment was to answer a specific prompt from a college or university, and provide evidence of claims made in the essay through examples and anecdotes. I chose the University of Chicago's prompt “If you could balance on a tightrope, over what landscape would you walk.” At first, I though about choosing another prompt. I did not know how I would or if I could answer it, but I chose to try it. I felt as though the first two drafts were good. I was very proud of them until I went over them with Sebastian and found that I was not really answering the prompt. The prompt was actually a metaphor. I was focusing on figuratively balancing over the Grand Canyon, when really, I should have transitioned into talking about what I was literally balancing over in my life. In the conclusion paragraph, I related the balancing over the Grand Canyon to high school, but I should have been doing that throughout the paper.

         The third piece that I am including is the profile. This essay was different from “This I believe” and the application essay. In the profile assignment I was write about the life experiences of someone else. I chose this essay because this was the most interesting essay. I was able to learn something about a person that I may not have known or learned in more detail. I learned how to conduct interviews, and translate those interviews into a story. The assignment was to write a “portrait in words” about a person of interest to you who would also be interesting to others. We were to include a sharp introduction that would engage the reader, an interpretive thesis that would keep the paper focused, a physical description of the subject, quotations from the interview, anecdotes that tell their story in a creative way, and a conclusion that would leave a strong final impression of the subject. For this assignment, I decide to interview my mother who chose to leave her career as a registered nurse to pursue her dream of homeschooling her son. The first draft could have included more detail, as suggested by my partner, “ My only suggestion would be more detail about her passions for homeschooling, just as you described her passions for nursing.” She also suggested using more quotes from the people who were involved such as her son and her husband. For the second draft, I added a couple of quotes from her son, such as “'I feel like I’m getting a better education than I would at school. Mom makes sure I understand everything before we move on' he says.” I also added more to the conclusion, explaining how long she will home school him for, and what her plans on for afterwards. For the final draft I tried to incorporate your advice of asking Bernadette if there was a connection between homeschooling and nursing.

          The final piece that I am including is the “Analyzing a Trend” assignment. This assignment was different from the former three. This was a research paper in which I had to analyzing a specific trend using a combination of my own words and the quotes and ideas of others. The assignment was to analyze a trend affecting a specific group of people over a certain period of time. I was to have a thesis stating the trend, provide evidence of this trend by using quotes from at least two scholarly articles, and analyze the causes and effects of this trend. I also had to have my sources in MLA format in a bibliography, and include in-text citations when needed throughout the paper. I chose the trend of increasing childhood obesity since the 1980s. My first draft was just the bare minimum of the assignment. I was missing the effects, and I did not have a completed conclusion. For the second draft, I added the effects of childhood obesity, and I attempted to conclude the paper well. For the final draft, I changed the conclusion paragraph to stay focused on the purpose of the assignment instead of offering solutions to the problem, as you had suggested.

         I feel as though this course has caused me to grow as a writer. I am more confident in my writing then I was at the beginning of the semester, and I have learned new techniques that will help me in my future English courses, and in my daily writing.

Analyzing a Trend (second draft)

Analyzing the Trend of Childhood Obesity

             No one can refute that America keeps growing not only in population size, but also in the size of the people within the population. Obesity has become a major problem in the United States. Everyone knows at least one person who is struggling or has struggled with obesity. The people being affected by this condition are getting younger and younger. Childhood obesity has been significantly increasing since the 1980s.

According to Elizabeth Barrett-Connor from the Department of Family Medicine at the UCSD School of Medicine, obesity is defined as “a condition characterized by excessive body fat to the extent that it is harmful to well being and health” (Barrett-Connor). Being five pounds overweight does not make a child obese. It is when their weight gets to the point where it is causing potential physical problems. Doctors define obesity by a person’s body mass index (BMI). However, people argue that this is not an accurate representation of obesity. The test includes fat mass, muscle mass, bone, and organs, instead of just focusing on fat (Barrett-Connor). For example, a weight lifter could have a high BMI due to muscle mass, but may not necessarily be obese. A high BMI due to excessive fat indicates obesity.

               Childhood obesity ranges from ages two through nineteen. According to Cynthia L. Ogden, an author of the book The Epidemiology of Childhood Obesity in Canada, Mexico, and the United States, “In the Us, between 1980 and 2006, the prevalence of high body mass index increased from 6% to 16% among children and teens two through nineteen years of age” ( Ogden et al.). Since 1980, that rate has almost tripled. Today, about 17% of children in the United States are obese, which is about 12.5 million children (“Obesity rates among all children in the United States”). From 6%-17% is a huge jump. What has changed since 1980 that would cause such a large increase in obesity?
             
              One of these causes could be low-income or single parent families. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “1 of 7 low-income, preschool aged children are obese” (“Obesity rates among all children in the United States”). When a family has a low-income, they may not be able to afford healthy food, especially if they have multiple children. Instead they are going to buy the cheapest food they can find. Usually the food and drinks that are the cheapest are the unhealthiest. For example, at a grocery store, soda is typically less expensive than juice or water, and microwavable foods are less expensive than buying the individual ingredients to make the food. Soda is high in sugar, and microwavable meals are high in sodium, which are two unhealthy ingredients. Buying pre-prepared or microwavable meals are an easy option for single parents who do not have time to cook meals for their children as well. These children may also eat fast food often, which is also convenient. Fast foods, such as Burger King and McDonald’s, are high in fat, calories, and carbohydrates, which are unhealthy in excess. Eating these meals once in a while will not cause a significant weight gain, but if eaten on a daily basis, it could play a role in childhood obesity.

             The invention of network television and videogames has not helped the childhood obesity epidemic, either. Children who do not exercise will not be healthy. Television and videogames themselves will not make a child obese, but when they are sitting down watching television or playing videogames, they are not exercising. Even the videogames that are designed to get kids to be active when playing do not give children the amount of exercise they need. According to a study by the American Academy of Pediatrics, which measured the amount of metabolic rate of normal weight and obese children while watching television, the metabolic rate was lower while watching television than while resting alone. Also, the metabolic rate was significantly lower in obese children than in children with normal weight. “It was concluded that television viewing has a fairly profound lowering effect of metabolic rate and may be a mechanism for the relationship between obesity and amount of television viewing” (Klesges). A low metabolic rate will not burn off the amount of calories and fat that will keep a child at a normal weight. This in combination with eating unhealthy foods is what causes a child to be obese.

            No matter what caused the child to be obese, the effects are the same, and they are all negative.  Many extreme health problems are associated with obesity, including mental and physical problems. The physical problems include high blood pressure, type two diabetes, heart disease, breathing problems, bone conditions, and some types of cancer (Boyse). Being obese as a child also sets the stage of being an obese adult. If these problems carry over into adulthood, it could cause pre-mature death (Boyse). Along with the physical problems also come mental and emotional problems. Being obese sets a child up for ridicule by their peers, which may lead to low self-esteem and depression. These problems should not be occurring and can be stopped if effort is made to bring the child to a healthy weight.

               There have been many options offered to parents and their children in order to try and fix this national problem. Children television networks encourage kids to become active and healthy. They encourage sports, or just getting off of the couch and outside to play. They also give ideas for healthy meals and snacks. Schools are trying to cut back on serving unhealthy foods in cafeterias, also. People are so concerned about the health and welfare of the children with obesity, that extreme ideas are appearing in order to help children eat healthier, such as controlling the advertising of unhealthy foods. However, problems have risen over this subject, such as whether or not this violates the First Amendment, which guarantees freedom of speech (Redish). Whatever has to be done to stop this epidemic needs to be. If this trend of childhood obesity does not stop, children will have a shorter life span with a lesser quality of life, which will hurt future generations to come.

Post-Write: I like this draft. I added the effects and fixed the conclusion. I also combined the two paragraphs with similar causes, and I added to the paragraph about television and videogames causing obesity. I added in a few more quotes from different sources that I believe make the paper stronger. Should I go into more detail about what is being done to stop childhood obesity? Are my effect substantial enough or should I try to add more information?

Works Cited

Anderson, Patricia M., and Kristin F. Butcher. "Childhood Obesity: Trends and Potential Causes." Future of Children. 16.1 (2006): 19-45. Print.

Barrett-Connor, Elizabeth, Lan T. Ho-Pham, et al. "Similarity in Percent Body Fat Between White and Vietnamese Women: Implication for a Universal Definition of Obesity." Obesity: a reasearch journal. (2010): n. page. Print.

Boyse, Kyla. "Obesity and Overweight." University of Michigan Health System: Your Child Development and Behavior Resources. Regents of the University of Michigan, Aug 2011. Web. 9 Dec 2011.

Klesges, Robert C., Mary L. Shelton, et al. "Effects of Television on Metabolic Rate: Potential Implications for Childhood Obesity." Pediatrics. 91.2 (1993): 281-86. Print.

Ogden , Cynthia L., Sarah Connor Gorber, et al. The Epidemiology of Childhood Obesity in Canada, Mexico and the United States . 2. Springer Science and Business Media, 2011. 69-93.

"Overweight and Obesity." Centers of Disease Control and Prevention. Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 21 Apr 2011. Web. 6 Dec 2011.

Redish, Martin M. Childhood Obesity, Advertising, and The First Amendment. 2011. <http://www.uschamber.com/sites/default/files/issues/environment/files/CHILDHOOD OBESITY, ADVERTISING AND THE FIRST AMENDMENT PDF.pdf>.

Analyzina a Trend Works Cited

Works Cited

Anderson, Patricia M., and Kristin F. Butcher. "Childhood Obesity: Trends and Potential Causes." Future of Children. 16.1 (2006): 19-45. Print.

Barrett-Connor, Elizabeth, Lan T. Ho-Pham, et al. "Similarity in Percent Body Fat Between White and Vietnamese Women: Implication for a Universal Definition of Obesity." Obesity: a reasearch journal. (2010): n. page. Print.

Ogden , Cynthia L., Sarah Connor Gorber, et al. The Epidemiology of Childhood Obesity in Canada, Mexico and the United States . 2. Springer Science and Business Media, 2011. 69-93.

"Overweight and Obesity." Centers of Disease Control and Prevention. Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 21 Apr 2011. Web. 6 Dec 2011.

Redish, Martin M. Childhood Obesity, Advertising, and The First Amendment. 2011. <http://www.uschamber.com/sites/default/files/issues/environment/files/CHILDHOOD OBESITY, ADVERTISING AND THE FIRST AMENDMENT PDF.pdf>.

Analyzing a Trend

Analyzing the Trend of Childhood Obesity

            There is no refuting that America is growing. Not only in population size, but also in the size of the individuals within the population. Obesity has become a major problem in the United States. Everyone knows at least one person who is struggling or has struggled with obesity. The people being affected by this condition are getting younger and younger in age. Childhood obesity has been significantly increasing since the 1980s. With all of the efforts made to get children to be active and eat better, why is this increasing occurring?

            According to Lan T. Ho-Pham, Department of International Medicine at Pham Ngoc Thach University of Medicine and author from the research journal Obesity, obesity is defined as “a condition characterized by excessive body fat to the extent that it is harmful to well being and health” (Ho-Pham). Being five pounds overweight does not make a child obese. It is when their weight gets to the point where it is causing potential physical problems. Doctors define obesity by a person’s body mass index (BMI). However, people argue that BMI is not an accurate representation of whether or not a person is obese because it includes fat mass, muscle mass, bone, and organs, instead of just focusing on fat (Ho-Pham). For example, a weight lifter could have a high BMI due to muscle mass, but may not necessarily be obese. A high BMI due to excessive fat causes a child to be obese.

            Childhood obesity ranges from ages two through nineteen.  According to Cynthia L. Ogden, an author of the book The Epidemiology of Childhood Obesity in Canada, Mexico, and the United States, “In the Us, between 1980 and 2006, the prevalence of high body mass index increased from 6% to 16% among children and teens two through nineteen years of age” ( Ogden et al.). That is a huge increase.  Since 1980, that rate has almost tripled. Today, about 17% of children in the United States are obese, which is about 12.5 million children (“Obesity rates among all children in the United States”). From 6%-17% is a huge jump. What has changed since 1980 that would cause such a large increase in obesity?

            According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “1 of 7 low-income, preschool aged children are obese”(“Obesity rates among all children in the United States”). When a family has a low-income, they may not be able to afford healthy food, especially if they have multiple children. Instead they are going to buy the cheapest food they can find. Usually the food and drinks that are the cheapest are the unhealthiest. For example, at a grocery store, soda is typically less expensive than juice or water, and microwavable foods are less expensive than buying the ingredients to make the food. Soda is high in sugar, and microwavable meals are high in sodium. These ingredients are unhealthy and are leading to the obesity of children.

            Another cause of childhood obesity could be single-parents with low-incomes (Anderson). A working single-parent may not have time to prepare meals for their children. Instead they may buy pre-prepared meals, or go to fast food restaurants. Both are unhealthy options. The pre-prepared meals are often high in sodium, and fast food is high in fat and calories. Eating this foods once in a while will not make a child obese. It is when they eat these meals on a daily basis that will cause a major weight gain.

            The invention of network television and videogames has not helped the childhood obesity epidemic. Children who do not exercise will not lose weight, they may not gain extreme amounts of weight, but they will not be healthy. Television and videogames will not make a child obese, but when they are sitting down watching television or playing videogames, they are not exercising. This in combination with eating unhealthy foods is what makes a child obese.

There have been many options offered to parents and their children in order to try and fix this national problem. Children television networks encourage kids to become active and healthy. They encourage sports, or just getting off of the couch and outside to play. They also give ideas for healthy meals and snacks. Schools are trying to cut back on serving unhealthy foods in cafeterias, also.  People are so concerned about the health and welfare of the children with obesity, that extreme ideas are appearing in order to help children eat healthier, such as controlling the advertising of unhealthy foods. However, problems have risen over this subject, such as whether or not this violates the First Amendment, which guarantees freedom of speech (Redish).

Post-Write: I am not 100% confident about this draft. I need to add the effects of childhood obesity and I need to end my conclusion better. Once I add the effects I am sure I will have at least three full pages which will meet the requirements. Are my causes sufficient or should I try to find more? Does the introduction grab the reader’s attention? How can I make the paper stronger?

Annotation (2nd draft)

Vaccination: a public health intervention that changed history and is changing history

Stein, Richard A. "Vaccination: a public health intervention that changed history & is changing with history." The American Biology Teacher 73.9 (2011): 513+. Academic OneFile. Web. 16 Nov. 2011.

            In the article, the author, Richard Stein, analyzes vaccinations and their abilities to eradicate diseases. He uses statistics to compare the death rates due to diseases throughout history, and how they have significantly decreased since vaccinations were developed. Stein claims, “Global life expectancy at birth, ~28.5 years in 1800 and ~31 years in 1900, increased over the past two centuries in the developed world, and over the past 50 years in the developing world, almost exclusively as a result of reduced mortality from infectious diseases.”

Stein provides the negative aspects as well as the benefits of vaccines. By exploring both sides of the spectrum, he is showing an unbiased view. He provides the facts, which are in favor of vaccines. He explains the side effects of vaccines such as the minor swelling, tenderness, and pain, as well as the more serious effects such as allergic reactions and possible seizures. These side effects can easily be overlooked when compared to the amount of lives vaccines have saved. The more serious effects usually only appear in a small percentage of people. The rest of the people greatly benefit from the vaccine by being immune to the disease it is protecting against.  Stein also gives insight into the debated topic of whether or not certain vaccines cause autism in children. Studies are being conducted in order to prove that the link between the mumps-measles-rubella (MMR) vaccine and autism exists. Some parents are cautious about getting their children vaccinated and some refuse to get their children vaccinated altogether. So far, there has been no significant proof that the vaccine does in fact cause autism, and the vaccine has done more good than harm.

            Stein concludes that new fields of science pertaining to vaccination and immunization are developing, and existing ones are becoming stronger. He claims that new fields of vaccine science have opened doors leading towards the development of personalized vaccines based on individuals that are safer and more efficient.

            Stein, author of The American Biology Teacher, makes a strong point about the significance of vaccinations. He does well at putting into perspective the impact that vaccines have made on mortality throughout history, and how they are constantly being altered to be safer and more efficient. He backs all of his claims with sources that are relevant and appear to be credible. What I like most about this article is that he shows both the positive and negative sides of vaccines. He does not try to convince people that they are flawless. He explains that problems have been linked to them, gives examples of those problems, tells why people refuse to have themselves or their children vaccinated, and then explains why the benefits outweigh the negative effects.

Post-Write: I feel somewhat confident about this draft. I took the advice from the class peer review and tried to work it into the paper. I dedicated a paragraph to the pros and cons of vaccines and I tried to fix the third paragraph. Do I still sound too repetitive throughout the annotation? Did I succeed in emphasizing the positive affects?

Annotating Scholarly Articles

Vaccination: a public health intervention that changed history and is changing history

Stein, Richard A. "Vaccination: a public health intervention that changed history & is changing with history." The American Biology Teacher 73.9 (2011): 513+. Academic OneFile. Web. 16 Nov. 2011.

                In the article, the author, Richard Stein, analyzes vaccinations and their abilities to eradicate diseases. He uses statistics to compare the death rates due to diseases throughout history, and how they have significantly decreased since vaccinations were developed. Not only does Stein explain the benefits of vaccinations, but he also explains the negative aspects. He explains the side effects of vaccines such as the minor swelling, tenderness, and pain, as well as the more serious effects such as allergic reactions and possible seizures.

                Stein also gives insight to the debated topic of whether or not certain vaccines cause autism in children. Studies are being conducted in order to prove that the link between the mumps-measles-rubella (MMR) vaccine and autism exists. So far, there has been no significant proof that the vaccine does in fact cause autism.

                Stein concludes that new fields of science pertaining to vaccination and immunization are developing, and existing ones are becoming stronger. He claims that these new fields such as “vaccinomics”, introduced in 2007, which incorporates concepts from immunogenetics and immunogenomics, has opened doors leading towards the development of personalized vaccines based on individuals that are safer and more efficient (pg 7).

                Stein, an author from The American Biology Teacher, makes a strong point about the significance of vaccinations. While he is clearly in favor of vaccinations, he addresses that there are some complications that go along with them. He does well at putting into perspective the impact that vaccines have made on mortality throughout history, and how they are constantly being altered to be safer and more efficient. He backs all of his claims with sources that are relevant and appear to be credible. What I like most about this article is that he shows both the positive and negative sides of vaccines. He does not try to convince people that they are flawless. He explains that problems have been linked to them, gives examples of those problems, tells why people refuse to have themselves or their children vaccinated, and then explains why the benefits outweigh the negative effects.

Proposal (2nd draft)

Lower Cafeteria Prices

            Anyone who has been to school has been in a cafeteria, and has most likely bought the school lunches. But, has anyone noticed the prices, and how they keep increasing?

            At Bristol Community College, the first thing I noticed was the cafeteria prices were much higher than I had expected. My initial thought was “How am I going to afford this?” As a full time college student, I am only able to work two days a week due to my schedule. The money I earn goes towards gas and car insurance, the money left over, if any, goes towards what I need such as food. Therefore, I cannot afford to spend $5.50 for a meal, not including a drink, four days a week.

            This increase has been occurring in high schools nationwide. The costs have been going up by as much as twenty five cents per year, such as at Apponequet Regional High School in Lakeville, Massachusetts, where I attended. This does not sound like much, but in high school, where many people do not have jobs, it can be. An article from The New York Times states, “Under the child nutrition bill signed by President Obama in December… School districts are required to start bringing their prices in line with what it costs to prepare the meals, eventually charging an average of $2.46 for the lunches they serve” (Santos). Since schools are being required to serve healthier meals, the ingredients are more expensive. This forces the schools to raise the prices in order to be able to keep serving the lunches. This can place a financial burden on students and their families. Although students of families who are financially struggling can receive free or reduced priced meals, the price increase may not be financially feasible for the families who are struggling to make ends meet, but do not qualify for reduce priced meals (Santos). We need to find a way to make lunch affordable for all students.

            Simply lowering the cost of the food may not be feasible cost wise for the college or other schools, but there are other ways to ensure that students will be able to afford lunch. Instead of having to buy a water bottle for $1.50, the school could put a water cooler in the cafeteria. This would not be a major financial burden for the school (some water coolers can cost as little as $46), and it would cut prices for the students. Another solution is to start a meal plan. Instead of paying daily for food, students could have the option to pay weekly. The students who decide to pay weekly would pay a flat rate that would save them money. For example, if meals cost $5.50 per day, the students who decide to pay per week will pay a flat rate of $20. If the average student goes to school four days a week, they will be saving $2 a week. This in combination with the water cooler could be saving the student up to $8 per week, while not placing a huge financial burden on the school.

            Every student should be able to afford to eat lunch. Nobody should be refused lunch based on their financial state. By adding the water cooler and creating a meal plan, affording meals will become easier for the student.

Post-Write: I feel more confident about this draft. I added more reasons to support my solution, and I added more information from the source. My conclusion needs to be stronger, and I need to direct my proposal at a specific audience. I am not sure who to the proposal should be addressed to, though. Are my reasons for supporting my cause strong enough? Is my solution a feasible one?

                                                                 

Proposal Assignment

Lower Cafeteria Prices

            Anyone who has been to school has been in a cafeteria, and has most likely bought the school lunches. But, has anyone noticed the prices, and how they keep increasing?

            At Bristol Community College, the first thing I noticed was the cafeteria prices were much higher than I had expected. My initial thought was “How am I going to afford this?” As a full time college student, I am only able to work two days a week due to my schedule. The money I earn goes towards gas and car insurance, the money left over, if any, goes towards what I need such as food. Therefore, I cannot afford to spend $5.50 for a meal, not including a drink, four days a week.

            This increase has been occurring in high schools nationwide. The costs have been going up by as much as twenty five cents per year, such as at Apponequet Regional High School in Lakeville, Massachusetts, where I attended. This does not sound like much, but in high school, where many people do not have jobs, it can be. An article from The New York Times states, “Under the child nutrition bill signed by President Obama in December… School districts are required to start bringing their prices in line with what it costs to prepare the meals” (Santos).

            Simply lowering the cost of the food may not be feasible cost wise for the college or other schools, but there are other ways to ensure that students will be able to afford lunch. Instead of having to buy a water bottle for $1.50, the school could put a water cooler in the cafeteria. This would not be a major financial burden for the school, and it would cut prices for the students. Another solution is to start a meal plan. Instead of paying daily for food, students could have the option to pay weekly. The students who decide to pay weekly would pay a flat rate that would save them money. For example, if meals cost $5.50 per day, the students who decide to pay per week will pay a flat rate of $20. If the average student goes to school four days a week, they will be saving $2 a week. This in combination with the water cooler could be saving the student up to $8 per week, while not placing a huge financial burden on the school.

Post-Write: Right now, this is just the bare minimum of the paper. I state a problem, I provide some research, and I give a solution. I think it is a pretty good start. I have to provide more evidence, such as more quotes and information from the source I have, and maybe another source. I also need to add a conclusion. Would the solution I provide be a feasible one? How can I make the argument stronger?

Profile Essay (2nd Draft)

Family Before Career

Have you ever had a dream strong enough that you would leave your paying career in order to follow it?

Bernadette DeTerra may seem like your typical house wife. She cooks, cleans, and takes care of her family. In her spare time, she enjoys watching game shows, reading, and doing word search puzzles. But she has one unique characteristic; she left her career as a registered nurse to home school her son.

Bernadette is beautiful with her warm smile and green eyes that look directly at the person she is speaking or listening to. She gives her full, undivided attention. She is kindhearted and intelligent. These traits help make her a wonderful mother and a caring teacher.

Bernadette pursued a career in nursing in her twenties. “I was a newly, surprised single mother,” she says. “I had a background in nursing, and knew I could make a living to support myself and my child.” She would have liked to home school her daughter, but under the circumstances, she decided to enroll her in private school. “I would have had to get permission from her father, and he would have never allowed it,” she says.

Bernadette worked as a nurse for years. She was a nurse when she remarried, when her son was born, and even as she began home schooling her son. At first, she was able to home school during the day, and work in the evenings. She was a visiting nurse, so she would travel to her patients' homes, while her children stayed with her parents. She liked her patients, but the paper work became too overwhelming while home schooling. Her supervisor was also unsympathetic to her home schooling obligations. “They would call meetings in the middle of the day, and it would interfere with schooling,” she says. Her supervisor, also, did not understand the legality of home schooling. “They did not understand that home schooling is a legal process. I had to send in a letter of intent to the superintendent explaining my planned curriculum. If I did not follow this, a truancy officer could come to my door and arrest me,” she explains.

When nursing became too overwhelming, her and her husband decided that she would stay home and focus on their son's education. “I have always felt as though family is more important than career,” she says. Fortunately, her husband is able to provide for the family. It was difficult adapting to one income at first, but they were able to establish a budget that worked. “Since I wasn't traveling as far, there was less gas. Some of the expenses balanced out,” she says.

Home schooling has exceeded her expectations. Her son is advanced for his age. He is learning Latin, history, science, English, and math. He is advanced in some of his subjects (he is in fourth grade and taking sixth grade math). He is able to move at a faster or slower pace depending on his needs. Bernadette likes that she is able to give her son a hands-on learning experience. “I am fortunate to live in Massachusetts where we can go to Plymouth Plantation to study the Pilgrims, or the Boston Museum of Science, just to name a few places” she says. She is a great teacher according to her son. “I feel like I’m getting a better education than I would at school. Mom makes sure I understand everything before we move on” he says.

Although she loves home schooling, she sometimes misses nursing. “I miss my guys,” she says sadly. “I was a psychiatric nurse, so I was the one who gave them their medication and who they would tell everything to. They trusted me. It was hard leaving them.” She also misses the feedback that she received from her patients. “My patients would always tell me I was doing a good job, now I get sighs and rolling of the eyes,” she laughs. She finds her feedback in another way, though. “The feedback that makes it worthwhile is seeing the lights go off in his eyes like, “Oh! I get it!”

Home schooling has been a dream come true for Bernadette. She loves that she is able to give her son the best education she can give him. She plans on home schooling him until he reaches college, when he will attend a university. She is unsure of what the future will bring for her after home schooling.  When asked if she would ever return to nursing she responded, “I might. I'm keeping up my license.” She says if she does return to work later in life, she may pursue teaching.

Post-write: I like the profile. I think it gives a good impression of Bernadette. I added to the conclusion, and I added a quote from Bernadette's son. It is a little longer than 700 words, though, and the peer review recommends more detail. The peer review suggests that I explain her passion for homeschooling, but I'm not sure how to work that into the profile. Is the quote from her son strong enough? Does the conclusion leave a strong enough impression of Bernadette?