Application Essay (Second Draft)

University of Chicago: If you could balance on a tightrope, over what landscape would you walk?

My heart is pounding in my chest. Sweat is beading up on my forehead. The only thing separating me from the world beneath me is the tightrope I am balancing on...

I am terrified to look anywhere except straight ahead, but my curiosity gets the better of me and I steal a glance down. When I do, my heart stops for a moment. I knew I was suspended over the Grand Canyon, but I had underestimated how deep it is. I am not afraid of heights, but the mile long drop makes my legs tremble slightly. Still, the view is breathtaking. I have always wanted to visit this national park. I had never imagined seeing it while walking a tightrope, but I love the birds-eye view. I can see the canyon in its entirety from this angle.

Only when the rope begins to sway do I remember I must keep moving forward. I take every step tentatively knowing what lies beneath me. Balancing on a tightrope is difficult in and of itself, never mind while suspended over the Grand Canyon, but I like a challenge. I take a deep breath and push myself forward. At first, I take small, nervous steps, but after a while, a surge of confidence runs through me and I start to move at a steadier pace. I remember not to let myself get too confident, though, because that could just as well end in disaster.

As I reach the finish line, I am able to breathe a little easier. When I reach the end of the rope, I step onto the ledge and turn around to face my accomplishment. A feeling of pride runs through me as I listen to the echoes of my friends and family on the other side of the canyon cheering for me. I had not heard them while on the tightrope. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. Now that all of my senses are working again, I try to take in every detail of the canyon, from the jagged edges of the walls, to the rivers below, and to the different shades of color all around the canyon. It is truly awe inspiring.

Many challenges in life are comparable to this tightrope walking experience. Starting something new can be overwhelming. When I started high school, I did not know what to expect. I did not always get top notch grades, and I struggled, but I did not let that discourage me. Once I found the studying skills that worked best for me and how to manage my time, the work became easier to handle. When graduation day came, and I walked across the field to receive my diploma, I had a sense of pride like nothing I had ever felt before. Now, I hope to accomplish a college degree in computer science. It will be challenging, but once I get through it, the rewards will be worth the struggle.

Post-write: I feel as though the paper answers the question fully and creatively. I think I made the story interesting by telling it like I was actually there. I may need to edit the paper slightly by adding more details to the third paragraph about the appearance of the Grand Canyon and how I feel. Also, I may need to add to the conclusion. I am not sure I ended the paper well. Was comparing the tightrope walking experience to my high school experience a good way to end the paper? Did I make good use of sensory details throughout the paper? Should I add more?