Profile
Have you ever had a dream strong enough that you would leave your paying career in order to follow it?
Bernadette DeTerra may seem like your typical house wife. She cooks, cleans, and takes care of her family. In her spare time, she enjoys watching game shows, reading, and doing word search puzzles. But she has one unique characteristic; she left her career as a registered nurse to home school her son.
Bernadette is beautiful with her warm smile and green eyes that look directly at the person she is speaking or listening to. She gives her full, undivided attention. She is kindhearted and intelligent. These traits help make her a wonderful mother and a caring teacher.
Bernadette pursued a career in nursing in her twenties. “I was a newly, surprised single mother,” she says. “I had a background in nursing, and knew I could make a living to support myself and my child.” She would have liked to home school her daughter, but under the circumstances, she decided to enroll her in private school. “I would have had to get permission from her father, and he would have never allowed it,” she says.
Bernadette worked as a nurse for years. She was a nurse when she remarried, when her son was born, and even as she began home schooling her son. At first, she was able to home school during the day, and work in the evenings. She was a visiting nurse, so she would travel to her patients' homes, while her children stayed with her parents. She liked her patients, but the paper work became too overwhelming while home schooling. Her supervisor was also unsympathetic to her home schooling obligations. “They would call meetings in the middle of the day, and it would interfere with schooling,” she says. Her supervisor, also, did not understand the legality of home schooling. “They did not understand that home schooling is a legal process. I had to send in a letter of intent to the superintendent explaining my planned curriculum. If I did not follow this, a truancy officer could come to my door and arrest me,” she explains.
When nursing became too overwhelming, her and her husband decided that she would stay home and focus on their son's education. “I have always felt as though family is more important than career,” she says. Fortunately her husband is able to provide for the family. It was difficult adapting to one income at first, but they were able to establish a budget that worked. “Since I wasn't traveling as far, there was less gas. Some of the expenses balanced out,” she says.
Home schooling has exceeded her expectations. Her son is advanced for his age. He is learning Latin, history, science, English, and math. He is advanced in some of his subjects ( he is in fourth grade and taking sixth grade math). He is able to move at a faster or slower pace depending on his needs. Bernadette likes that she is able to give her son a hands-on learning experience. “I am fortunate to live in Massachusetts where we can go to Plymouth Plantation to study the Pilgrims, or the Boston Museum of Science, just to name a few places” she says.
Although she loves home schooling, she sometimes misses nursing. “I miss my guys,” she says sadly. “I was a psychiatric nurse, so I was the one who gave them their medication and who they would tell everything to. They trusted me. It was hard leaving them.” She also misses the feedback that she received from her patients. “ My patients would always tell me I was doing a good job, now I get sighs and rolling of the eyes,” she laughs. She finds her feedback in another way, though. “The feedback that makes it worthwhile is seeing the lights go off in his eyes like, “Oh! I get it!”
When asked if she would ever return to nursing she responds, “I might. I'm keeping up my license.” She says if she does return to work later in life, she may pursue teaching.
Post write: I feel as though I told the story accurately. I don't know if I added enough detail when talking about homeschooling in paragraph eight. I may need to add more information to the conclusion, also. Adding quotes from her husband and son would give a wider perspective of the subject. Was starting the profile with a question a good idea? Is the story told in an organized way? If not, could you give me some suggestions as to how it would flow more smoothly?
Reviewer’s Name: Tasha Young
ReplyDeleteDate: October 17, 2011
Partner’s Name and Title of Paper Reviewed: Sarah Machado "profile essay"
In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
The assignment is asking the writer to construct a 500-700 word profile, that is essentially a “portrait in words.” The portrait in words should be about a subject who is interesting or who has a story that may have meaning for readers. Your material may come from a combination of research and an interview. The profile essay must have these 4 elements: A relevant physical description based on the writers observation of the setting and/or subject, Quotations from and about your subject to make a logical development of ideas about the subject, Anecdotes (short stories) from the subject that make pertinent points, and also factual information. Organization of ideas is very important. An interpretive thesis is key, as it will give your piece a meaningful focus for readers. The conclusion of the profile should leave a strong impression that summarizes all that has come before it.
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
I think Sarah has met the expectations of the assignment very well. There is a clear interpretive thesis, stated in paragraph 2 “she has one unique characteristic; she left her career as a registered nurse to home school her son.” It clearly states a physical description in paragraph 3 “Bernadette is beautiful with her warm smile and green eyes that look directly at the person she is speaking or listening to.” This description paints us a clear picture of Bernadette. She has a story to tell, about being a nurse in a stressful work environment and also trying to give her undivided attention to her son’s homeschooling and ultimately decided that her son’s education was more important saying “…family is more important than career”
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
The only thing about this paper that I feel may need more work it perhaps more quotations from those who were involved to really get the point across of how things changed and what was going on at the time she decided to become a stay at home mother and homeschool teacher. Her sons perspective would be great since she kind of makes us wonder when saying “My patients would always tell me I was doing a good job, now I get sighs and rolling of the eyes.” Adding more to the conclusion may also be helpful in driving home the idea throughout the essay-that homeschooling her son really was her dream and meant more to her than her high paying career.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
-Did Bernadette ever have doubts about homeschooling? Did she always feel that homeschooling was better than traditional schooling?
-How did Bernadette’s husband feel about her decisions?
One suggestion: I love the way you tell Bernadette’s story. It engages the reader and leads to a clear interpretive thesis. My only suggestion would be more detail about her passions for homeschooling, just as you described her passions for nursing.